*LOLJK Of course it's familiar. It's a thing I wanted to happen.
Spare me, my brethren, I am not good with words.
After A Year
There you were, sitting at the exact same spot where we first met. You had that crazy look in your eyes, you're deep into thinking something I can't figure out. A bit nervous as I can see you, you took another hit on your Marlboro Black. You saw me from a distance, you barely smiled and waved at me. Both of us knew I was nervous as hell too. I sat down next to the wooden chair of that coffee shop where we first met exactly a year ago. I didn't know why you had to call that day, it was odd enough it's exactly the a year after we first met. It didn't change, it's still the same old smell of grounded coffee, burning smell of cigarette on the ash tray and those wooden tables and chairs that never seem to fade. Only two things changed, or perhaps, two people changed.
You perfectly knew it what time to call me, exactly right after work. I didn't know why you had the idea I didn't have any plans for that night. It's almost 9:00PM now, about three hours ago, you called me on my mobile.
"Hey! How you've been?"
"I'm good. Surprised you called."
"Yeah, sorry, wanna meet up later?"
"Sure. Same old?"
I stared at you for a second, you were still wearing those freakishly large glasses you had. As usual, you were wearing a black shirt topped with a red, checkered polo. You continued smoking the last hits of your cigarette while I took out my camera. You smiled a bit, knowing that we have the same brand and model of camera. I took a quick shot of you, you didn't smile. I wasn't surprised, you never smile in the camera when I take the picture. I still have to figure out why. After putting the camera on the table, you quickly pulled your chair next to me. It's like de ja voux, it's happening all over again.
"So, why did you want to see me?"
"Couldn't I see an old friend?"
"An old friend? Glad I'm still on the friends list."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, about eight months ago, I was on your 'People-I-should-be-rude-to' list."
"Hey, that's over now."
"Do you like some coffee?"
"No, I'm fine."
With your face close to mine, I just can't dwell in to the fact that I've loved you so much than myself. Not just any other kind of love. Crazy love. I have literally and emotionally driven myself crazy from all the things we have done. And I want to believe you have seen that in me too. Our actions a year ago were just enough proof of our craziness level. You were there, just staring at me. I was not as crazy about it like how you're doing it. I didn't have time to create my illusion again, I had to talk.
"How you've been?"
"I'm good. I moved on."
"Sorry, but we're over now."
"Oh, how short-lived. Who am I kidding? You're good at 'short-lived' things."
"Where did that come from?"
"From the pits of my... heart, I guess."
"You're being funny again."
"I act funny when I'm with you, you know that for a fact."
I didn't know for how long I can keep my mask. The mask that keeps me from taking these things lightly up to now. The mask I'm afraid you'll wear off my face again like how you did before. Truly loving me, letting me feel that I am worthy to be loved without any mask to wear. My heart is now beating faster, just like before.
"I'm sorry, I never should have done that to you."
"Well, you have. Saying that I was a wrong 'rope' was stupid enough for me. You should be really sorry."
"I am. And I've been stupid, I'm sorry."
"Good you know. I wish I can say it's all okay with me. But it isn't. You know what I had to go through after you left me hanging. I had to hurt other people too in my deep desperation to move on from you. You took a lot when you left."
"I know it wasn't easy for you. But believe me, it wasn't easy for me either."
"I wish I could believe you."
I didn't realize a tear rolled down from my stupid eye, I must have fell deep into the conversation. You were just staring at me, so close I might feel again. It makes me uncomfortable how I think you were looking at every detail of my features. I tried to look at you and saw compassion.
"I hope you can still forgive me. And I know you'll say you wish you could."
"Where are all these getting at? What do you want to happen? It's been a year for goodness' sake!"
"I don't know."
"Are you drunk or something?"
"Why are you being nice all of a sudden?"
"I want to make it up to you."
"You're a bit late for that now. Sorry."
I tried my best to fight the huge hug you gave me. It was so tight I could barely breathe. But then again, I felt the longing on that simple yet significant hug. I didn't know what to exactly feel, though. Your whole body is saying, "I'm sorry, please forgive me." Your warm hands touched my hair and it soothed me, calmed the heck out of me. I felt I could be safe again. I realized how I'm falling into a trap, I quickly pushed your body away and took my camera as well as my bag and rushed to get out of the place.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going home."
"No, you're not. You're staying here."
"Who are you to talk to me after a year and say those things to me?"
"I'm sorry. Just please, stay."
Walking fast and faster as I could, I felt your presence behind as we reached a more secluded area. I tried my very best not to look back, to see how you look like to rush and keep up with my fast pace. I was still walking fast when...
"I still love you!"
I stopped. I was trying to think where those words came from , though I perfectly knew where and who it was. Then it all came back. Hurt. Pain. Infinity. Love. I quickly turned back with the same pace like how I tried to walk away. Obnoxiously, I reached for you high chest and push you bit as I said,
"How unfair could you get? You can't just say those things to me and think you can get a way with it!"
I realized I was sobbing.
"You know what really scares me? The thought that I could just forget all the things that happened and just hold on to those four words you just said. It's the smartest thought in the world, but it's still a thought."
You quickly grabbed me by your arms and I could feel every inch of your body.
"You can't just do that and hug me."
"Apparently, I can. I'm 6 feet tall and I can do that this to you."
"It's called harassment. And by the way, thank you for emphasizing our height difference."
"You're still my little woodland creature."
"And you're still Gandalf the Wizard or whatever."
I can't believe we still cracked our silly jokes. You were obviously sobbing basing from how you've said all those words. We were just there, feeling again.