Tomorrow will be different

No, tomorrow’s just another day like today. But everything will never be the same again. I won’t write this the same way if I write this tomorrow. It won’t change the fact you’re still there and I am here.

But it’s okay, I guess. Just say the only thing that will not change tomorrow is that you’ll be there and I’ll be here. Mind-blabbering, isn’t it? You’re there and I’m here. There will always be distance, but it feels like we understand why it has to be this way. We know that it doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters.

My life

has been pretty awkward. I'll not even try to explain why but believe me, it has been pretty awkward. There were some dull moments, there were moments of high. All made me to what I am today. It's not a polished shoe shining when reflected by light, but it's decent enough to wear in a ball or something. Aside from the lame metaphor, here are my supposed-to-be birthday resolutions:

• Be a more responsible son.
• Earn enough money to buy things I want.
• Extract more creative juices.
• Be a more responsible blogger. (Oh please. LOL)
• And lastly, be a better person all in all.

As I leave one era of my life, teenage years that is, I'm trying to start a new one ahead of me.

PS: Yes, it's my birthday on the 20th of September.

I have never given much thought to anything.

I mean, I can't even explain where to start explaining by what I'm trying to say. Okay, I'll start trying: There are certain limits to any levels or kinds of tolerance there is in this world. In my almost 20 years of existence in this fucked up planet, y'all be saying I don't even have the right to say what I'm about to say since y'all think I haven't even started life yet.

Being distracted aside, what I'm trying to say is: Every bit of too much is not good. I'm not saying it's bad, but it's just not good. Find the thin line that separates those two. Anyway, if it gets to the point where you don't even know the reason why you're doing it, just think about it for a second and stop. Stop and think. It never hurts to think sometimes, you know? In this fast-paced world, where technology has driven the planet, where information is just a click away, it's not that hard to think.

But then again, we may have abused these privileges. We may have been wandering too much and crossing borders we never could have taken if it wasn't for the wonderful world (or not) of the internet. We stay connected with families, friends and our loved ones. Some even uses it to find there love. For some, it may have worked, but for others trying to satisfy there lusts, it gets a bit shaky and... Where am I even headed with all the blabbering? I have no idea too, don't worry.

See? I have never given much thought to anything.

I can't type anything sensible, can I?

See my last post? It was a song. A freakin' song. What the hell is up with me? I've been trying to tell all of you (or myself or the very few people whom I bribed to follow me here on Blogspot) something significant. Something I experienced that you all can relate to. But I guess, I ran out of anything these days. Literally. My life is my bed, this laptop, the internet and my endless waiting to start working.
PS: That cat had it going for a while. I think he/she simply wants to drink some water.

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Quite literally, that's the case today. I felt sad upon hearing "Wait It Out" by Imogen Heap when I woke up with the iPod still stuck to my ears. I had it on shuffle while I slept and it never fails to make me sad (talking about my playlist). And it had to rain the whole day today.

It’s the perfect time to be lazy: read some unfinished book, get a coffee, have some cookies while listening to your favorite music. Perfect lazy day.

The Climb?

Let's say you're climbing a mountain top, trying your best to climb the dream summit just to see the beautiful horizon that awaits you. And then you fall, just like that. You fell and broke few (or many) bones in your body, bruises all around and worst, you were on coma for a month. But still, you survived your fall and the trauma isn't so bad. You still want to try it and see how it feels when you've witnessed that dream horizon.

You never learn your lesson, do you?

And it's like this most of the time

I try to think of other things then I end up fucking my mind up and go back to that idea. It’s not the best idea in the world, but I swear it feels good. Then I go back to my bed, as fucked up as it is, knowing that I can’t sleep. Then I end up listening to music that really fucks my soul up and makes me alive at the same time. I try to think of anything. Why I feel nothing, why I’m stuck in this dug hole, why I can’t get myself up and just walk again.

And it’s like this most of the time.

Everything changes.

And everyday, everything moves forward, everything moves backward. Everything changes, everything passes you by. Every breath is vulnerable, every fresh air anew. Seize every chance you get. And everyday, hurt as much as you can. Never regret every second pain has conquered your heart and body. If it breaks you, just remember everything moves forward. Everything changes.

Fire and Ice, You and I.

It's simple. Tell me if this principle applies to all kinds: Opposites attract. You've read that right, does it really apply to all things? They say different people attract each other. Like magnets. But how about elements? You see, I've always believed that I am a little ball of fire and sometimes a crack of ice.

I've remembered these kinds of things because I was singing a hypnotic song called "We Give In Sometimes" by none other than Up Dharma Down. Gray areas are surely fine, it's as simple as meeting half-way and trying to work things out. But then again, fire simply melts the ice. As fire can be put out as the ice melts when fire reaches it. They outdo each other. How does that compare to what I'm trying to say, though?

Sand and the sea, meet in between. Fire and ice, you and I.

Human After All.

Fact: If you can't understand me, it's okay. I can't understand myself either.

One minute I'm okay, the next minute I feel like letting myself get hit by a bus or something. This can get as personal as it can be, so I'm asking for forgiveness in lieu of the things I would like to say. First and foremost, I have a thing with moving on from a quite "unforgettable" experience I had earlier this year. This experience led to me to thinking that I can be happy if I want to. I can dive in to something and just not think of the consequences it can offer me. And as expected, it felt ecstatic. And so the consequences came and I had it coming, it was dreadfully painful. I don't even know why I felt that way, maybe I shouldn't had but I'm human after all.

The thing with that is, I was ready to feel okay because I knew "we" wanted different things. It's one of those acceptable things I considered because the person was human after all. Just to find out that it wasn't just so. To be real honest here, I felt like the world crushed me into pieces again. Like happiness failed me. yeah, sort of like a Dementor's Kiss. And frankly, I still do feel the same.

I promised myself never to care anymore, but it's just not the case. Maybe I am having a hard time because I'm expecting that kind of happiness to anyone I want to be with now. And I know that is wrong, but I just can't help to feel that way. Again, I'm human after all.

Maybe that's how the cycle goes: When I met that person, I gave up on searching and searching for happiness. Then that person came and reminded me how to be happy again. Then the person left me hanging. Now I am again very close to giving up. But I know I just can't give up. Giving up means accepting defeat. And I can't be defeated if ever this is a "game" as how many people would like to describe it. But then again, we're all just human after all.

Me and my trust issues.

I know how irritating this would sound, okay? So hang on. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Honestly, it’s been a great week. It’s been bliss all over (Wait, did I just use the word, “all over”? Yeah I did.) and frankly, it’s been a moment I could say I wanted to live because there is something that keeps you alive.

Trust. Ahh, pretty hard word to take in… and to give. When you’ve had past experiences that lets you drown in misery every time, you can’t take away the fact that it’s hard to trust someone again. But I know also that in order to live, you have to live and go through the cycle again. If it doesn’t work out, you can’t blame anything or anyone, just yourself. Probably because you didn’t take any effort to actually re-compose your heart and mind in order to live again.

But I guess, this time. I’m choosing to live again. It will be hard, I know. But it’s just the way it goes. And I can’t let an opportunity like this pass. It’s right there in front of me, all I have to do is just grab it whole-heartedly without any hesitation. In the end, we can’t regret anything. It’s always been our choice and we’ll just have to cherish or suffer its consequences.

Bliss.

Yesterday, I finally got a hold of what I have to do aside from finding a regular, stable and it-pays-good kind of job. My nephew's first birthday party, which happens to be on September, two months from now. And with all the printed matters I need to be doing, instead, I'm writing here on this very blog.

July 1, as remarkable as this day is (considering that's it's officially half-way through the year already), is made even more special. It's like starting anew. Starting again from scratch. But well, I'm just happy now. And I think this bliss I'm finally experiencing again will last. It just had to be.

Anyway, I'm still cooking my crispy fried chicken and potato wedges. Dinner on Sunday night must at least be decent.

Last Night I Dreamed Somebody Loved Me

That is a title of a The Smiths song that has been playing in my head. I don't know what has gotten into me but I got stuck with that song not just last night, but until now. Instead of being a good citizen of this country and watch P-Noy's Inauguration, I went to Cubao with my buddies Aaron and Iyay. A lot of doodling happened since the guy can't help but doodle. (Yes, I'm talking about you Aaron.) Had about 4 bottles of cherry-tasting "cocktails" and it was just enough to put some adrenaline into my oddly boring system.

But before all that was summed up, someone called me. This particular person, whom I shall say is probably more drunk than I am last night made some confessions. I don't know about you, but having a "network" of some of sort with a lot of people helped him a lot to get my number and call me.

It was, as oddly as I think it is, sweet and courageous of the person to actually call. And surprisingly, I'm happy who the person turned out to be and it's just unexplainable how I feel right now. You get that feeling? The one you like has liked you all along? Feels good, right?

FIN

P-noy and Eclipse

Yes, yes. A lot of people have been talking about two major things going to happen tomorrow. One, the much anticipated inauguration of the next president of this third world country, Benigno Aquino, Jr. or what he likes to be called as, P-Noy. Don't look at me, he named himself that. I'm expecting a lot of traffic in the Q.C. and Manila area tomorrow. Which is not going to be good since I''m going to see some friends tomorrow.

Another thing that will happen tomorrow: Eclipse. No, not a lunar or solar. But a very big FFFFFUUUUUU one. Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson (a.k.a. I'm-a-relative-of-Dracula) and Taylor Lautner. I don't know about this but it's got a lot of hype. Marketing people have been producing merchandise items for this movie and people are actually buying it. Tumblers, buckets, shirts, graphic novels and whole lot more. I don't know what to say, maybe the world has gone mad or something.

I'll drink my daily dose of strawberry milk now. Maybe it'll cool me down.

Job vs. Career

Disclaimer: Just put in mind that this is clearly from the blogger's point of view, perspective and experience. Purely opinionated. You can't even put it on Wikipedia. Duh.

Here's the thing:
I'm a fresh graduate. I have an arts degree majoring in Advertising. Which means I must be dealing with corporate clients who have enough money to advertise their products or services. I must find a "job" in accordance to my course, which include Account Management, Media Planning, Creatives or Production. Well, I'm a sucker for planning. Seriously, do I look like a guy with a plan? Well, I could do for production or creatives. Sadly, there are not a lot of available "jobs" in that area. All "glamour" advertising agencies have this discrimination. If you're not hip, if you're not from the top 3 schools in the Philippines, you're not in. Pessimistic, right? But it's the sad reality I'm facing right now.

So here's another thing:
What do we really want? A "job" or a "career"? Honestly, I've tried my best to get a "job". But I always figure out in the end that it's not where I want to start. That is why after 3 months of being a graduate, I've said "No, I won't do this job." to about 3 offers. One in a bank, one in a marketing thing and one in a call center. See? What's the relevance, right? Maybe that marketing thing can be a little close, but it's still not what I want to do with my life.

And then, there's another thing:
How does a "job" differ from a "career"? Well, basically, I think this is how it goes: A job lets you earn a monthly or weekly salary while a career can lead to a larger salary in the future. What am I saying? Job: Short-term, Career: Long-term. So what would you choose? Of course you'll like that cliche thing they've been saying, "It's better to plan for the future." We all like security, right? So we all choose a career. Realistically speaking, it's hard to start a career.

Last thing:
How do you start a career? Again, in the little molecules just right below my scalp, it says a career will start with the right job. By right, I mean, use what you've studied for. Why would you waste your life doing things you never like in the first place, right? And it starts with a choice. Even choosing your college degree can affect your freaking life in the long run. So, choose wisely.

Your Daily Dose of Ice Cream

It's 10:00 AM and I just made a blog, a new one that is. I don't even know why I'm doing this. So, forgive me if I stumble along the way... or not. I said I'll say something about myself in this post. Sorry much, but I can't describe something I can't even understand. Yes, a lot of times I don't understand myself either. Okay, enough drama. Well if there's one thing I could say about myself, I like to rant. A lot.

Your daily dose of that sweet, frozen comfort food we all love. That's what you'll get from me.

PS: You can call me Kevin. I needed to write that because I had experience with people calling me by my username, which kind of makes me look like a geek.. or a dork, either way I am both. Whatever.