I don't know.

Maybe I'm not used to being the guy who comforts someone. It's like, "So this is how it feels when you wanted to say how you truly feel yet you must be a friend for now since the person's not clearly moved on."

... So this is how it feels like. Totally disturbing. I feel like my chest caught a deranged car accident. This isn't how it suppose to feel.

Karma is a bitch, by the way.

3:36

Nobody move, nobody get hurt

Every breath, crucial

Do not pull the trigger

Venom spitted out

Hearing what’s it about

Say you’ll stay, you’ll stay

Trying to keep with your pace

Recently, I have seen your face

Keep in time with me

And it’s decided, my love

We’ll be together

Young and foolish forever

Agos

Sa bandang gitna ng nakakasulasok na silid
Naroroon ang hinintay na kapalaran
Walang makapipigil, kahit pa magdaan sa gilid
Hindi na ma-ipinta ang panaginip sa katotohanan

Maikakanta pa ba ang awit ng kahapon?
Araw ng mga nakalipas, maituturing ng kupas
Alam na matagal ng dapat itinapon
Saan nagkulang, saan lumagpas?

Ngayon, ang bagyo ng kapalara'y itinuturo ako
Lumapit ng hindi masaktan sa iyo
Ibulong sana na 'di masisira ang pangako
Kailangang makaalis na sa lupang ibayo

Ilang ulan man ang naitalang signos
Luluha at dadanak pa din ang tubig
Dapat bang sumabay sa agos?
O umasa sa pangakong pag-ibig?

Human After All.

Fact: If you can't understand me, it's okay. I can't understand myself either.

One minute I'm okay, the next minute I feel like letting myself get hit by a bus or something. This can get as personal as it can be, so I'm asking for forgiveness in lieu of the things I would like to say. First and foremost, I have a thing with moving on from a quite "unforgettable" experience I had earlier this year. This experience led to me to thinking that I can be happy if I want to. I can dive in to something and just not think of the consequences it can offer me. And as expected, it felt ecstatic. And so the consequences came and I had it coming, it was dreadfully painful. I don't even know why I felt that way, maybe I shouldn't had but I'm human after all.

The thing with that is, I was ready to feel okay because I knew "we" wanted different things. It's one of those acceptable things I considered because the person was human after all. Just to find out that it wasn't just so. To be real honest here, I felt like the world crushed me into pieces again. Like happiness failed me. yeah, sort of like a Dementor's Kiss. And frankly, I still do feel the same.

I promised myself never to care anymore, but it's just not the case. Maybe I am having a hard time because I'm expecting that kind of happiness to anyone I want to be with now. And I know that is wrong, but I just can't help to feel that way. Again, I'm human after all.

Maybe that's how the cycle goes: When I met that person, I gave up on searching and searching for happiness. Then that person came and reminded me how to be happy again. Then the person left me hanging. Now I am again very close to giving up. But I know I just can't give up. Giving up means accepting defeat. And I can't be defeated if ever this is a "game" as how many people would like to describe it. But then again, we're all just human after all.

Me and my trust issues.

I know how irritating this would sound, okay? So hang on. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Honestly, it’s been a great week. It’s been bliss all over (Wait, did I just use the word, “all over”? Yeah I did.) and frankly, it’s been a moment I could say I wanted to live because there is something that keeps you alive.

Trust. Ahh, pretty hard word to take in… and to give. When you’ve had past experiences that lets you drown in misery every time, you can’t take away the fact that it’s hard to trust someone again. But I know also that in order to live, you have to live and go through the cycle again. If it doesn’t work out, you can’t blame anything or anyone, just yourself. Probably because you didn’t take any effort to actually re-compose your heart and mind in order to live again.

But I guess, this time. I’m choosing to live again. It will be hard, I know. But it’s just the way it goes. And I can’t let an opportunity like this pass. It’s right there in front of me, all I have to do is just grab it whole-heartedly without any hesitation. In the end, we can’t regret anything. It’s always been our choice and we’ll just have to cherish or suffer its consequences.

Fight For This Love

I don't know where we're heading
But I'm willing and I'm ready to go
We've been driving so fast
We just need to slow down, take it slow

Everything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting is out of the question
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more